I have much to do today, and even more tomorrow.

Focus is the days difficulty! Staying on task!

Saturday is a fairly big show, and I have so much I want to get done for it! Ideas come quicker than is humanly possible to execute, and so leaves the feeling of falling behind.

I better breathe deep, stretch a little and get back to work!

secret power

I'm pretty sure I'm a super hero.

I've discovered I have the power of invisibility!

So....

I MUST be a Super Hero.

May.

Though I adore Spring, it gets off to a rocky start with memories and days of sadness.

I saw my cousin Kim last, at Easter. Her birthday the first of May. She died in between.

Doesn't matter how long ago it was. Sometimes, it feels like a very long time, then, like it was yesterday. I miss her. I miss what changed after she died, and mourn that too.

Images of the empty chairs at Aunt Judy's dining room table, don't go away...First Dad's, then Grandma's...then Kim's. And then....no more. She doesn't have it anymore. At least not so that I can count on it. And so...I don't. "The most important people have died." That is the thought that clung to my mind this year and it was a sad, rough weekend. Missing them and feeling sorry for myself too.

Easter was late this year, so Mother's Day came quick. Hardly a chance to catch my breath, never mind put on my big girl pants.

Chad sent an email. Sarah posted on my Facebook wall. Her card came mid week (after) and it sat unopened for another day or two. The p.s. on the envelope said a gift was coming. Not yet.

Truth is, I don't want it. Really.

I did a show on the Saturday.

Suggestions made the week before were pretty much shot down. The response underwhelming.

I met my Mom & Sister for breakfast. I liked their chosen location in spite of the time. I had to be out of the house by 8am to get there on time. If nothing else, it meant I could be gone before the next wave of disappointment crashed.

I got back to the house before John (& Chris), who had gone to visit his Mother. Chris' mom had postponed her day, till this weekend, thus why Chris was home.

I was cleaning the house...did yard/garden work, made a good dinner. Don't remember what now...??? Thats funny.

Neither of them uttered "happy mothers day" or acknowledged "me" in any way, never mind any special way. Okay...I am not Chris' mother...or Johns...But crap. I take care of them.

Between Easter & Mothers Day, I am still teary. The latter, of course is more personal.

And...not new. Nope. Year after year, I cry and get through it.

Huh, guess thats all. I want to document, but not to cry anymore over the sameness of my changed life...Ya. This is working....

proud of me...

As a Folk Artist, my work is not always accepted as "art".

Its been a long ongoing thing, that I've battled over, with various art committees for years; defending an art of the common people....This time, I didn't have to. Smiling for me.

April 18th, 2010

Lori-Anne,

Thank you so much for applying to the Newmarket Studio Tour for 2011. We received numerous submissions that were excellent in quality. The jury had a very tough decision.

Congratulations, you have been accepted into the Newmarket Studio Tour for 2011. You will be showing your artwork at Jamie Cafissi's studio (Soaring Studios Pottery) on Howard Rd.

There will be many opportunities, to take part in various activities in and around the Studio Tour. Please let us know if you are taking part in any other shows leading up to the Tour, as we will be having a twitter account that can highlight these other events as well.

I will be in touch during coming weeks with more information regarding the tour.

Please respond to this email within 48 hours, to accept the offer of being in the Studio Tour.

Thank you,

Leslie

Artistic Producer

Newmarket Group of Artists

Is it Spring yet?

Its cold, and it snowed for the most part of yesterday. Thankfully, there is none on the ground.

It is not sunny. Grey skies remain.

I can't help but think of the sunny warm days we had last year at this time. I'd been digging in the garden, raking, and spray painting outside by now!

I have a trailer FULL of treasures!

Saturday, we went 3+ hours north to my paintin' friends house and relieved her of just some of her stash. She is moving and cannot take it all with her.

I have watering cans, wooden bowls, wrought iron chairs, wooden chairs, small shutters, ...enamel pots, kids skates, bags & boxes of I don't know what. It became overwhelming for me. I can only imagine how she felt. "Hoarders"... no...not the way they show on TV, as each & every one of these items can be turned into things of beauty!

I have my own stash, and at times wonder if I will ever get to it all. Now, I have some of Judy's stash too! I don't know where I am going to put it.

The wish for warm sunshine is huge. Then, I could at least start priming, sanding and whatever prep needs doing to get ready to paint. It's too cold though.

It's as though the Universe is deliberately keeping me from creating!

Ah...smart Universe.

I've not finished my income tax, and can think of a hundred things I'd rather do than sit with all that paper, lists and receipts.

It has to be done. I know it. Today will be the day, so that when the sun does shine, I will be able to create completely...without the nagging thoughts of what 'other' I 'should' be doing.

trying this again.

So, all things begin with the best intentions...and then TWO years pass....

It is truly mind boggling how quickly days turn to weeks, months, then years.

Sometimes, it's frustrating.

I keep a paper journal. Sort of.

It too is in spurts of daily writings, then blank for days & weeks.

This morning, I thought about how I used to write everyday. Just 'whenever', but everyday.

I also thought about how I have gotten into the habit...routine of doing a daily puzzle.

I have time for a puzzle, but not to write a few words?!

How does that make sense?!

So...On this sunny Friday morning, puzzle done, I am going to give this another go.

It may not be daily, to start, but that is the goal.

I am an artist, a perfectionist, a list maker, a worrier and I have 'moods'. All good reasons to get stuff out in the form of the written word instead of letting stuff fester & brew.